Praise and Rewards

Published: Monday, January 1st, 2007

Praising and rewarding children's behavior helps them establish strengths and interests that leave little room for unacceptable behavior such as smoking, criminal activities, using drugs, etc. When we focus on what children do right instead of focusing on what's wrong they learn to feel good about themselves and they develop self confidence.

It's never too late to get into the habit of praising your child. Praise tasks that your child does independently, such as picking out what to wear and getting dressed. Even if the clothes don't quite match you are reinforcing your child's ability to make independent decisions.

Rewards can help children learn good habits - such as getting off to school on time, calling if they will be late or if plans have changed. Children respond to praise and encouragement for things they do well and good choices they make. When children are "seen" and appreciated by the adults in their lives that can help reinforce their ability to resist peer pressure and make good choices. Older children may also be impressed by the importance of serving as a good role model for a younger sister or brother. When you are proud of your son or daughter, say so!

What to Say

Instead of being vague or general ("You are certainly a smart boy."), direct your praise at specific acts:

"You got a B on the social studies test. Good job."

"Mrs. Royce said you helped bring her groceries in. That was very thoughtful."

"What you told me about the Civil War was interesting. I didn't know that."

"That's a cool outfit you're wearing. Nobody puts clothes together the way you do."

"I saw you shooting baskets with Angel. No wonder he looks up to you."

What to Do

Set up a small reward for every time children call in to let you know where they are.

Let children stay up a little longer if they complete their homework before dinner or some other agreed-on time.

Allow your child to invite a friend to sleep over on a weekend if they obey the rule about never having friends over without an adult present.

Make home displays of schoolwork and art projects for family and friends to see.

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